SPEED DATING - ALL NEW DATING GAME (ARTICLE FROM THE STAR)

Hey you hot guys and girls out there,
I am happy to inform you that we are officially booked for the 7th february speed dating event! Great response from all – where 16 guys and 16 girls will try out their luck in finding either their soul mate, or a hang out mate.. perhaps?
For some who are still in doubts, this article had just came out in The Star today. Quite an interesting ready, so check it out:

Saturday January 31, 2009
The all-new dating game
Stories by LOUISA LIM

One woman, many men — can it ever work? Here are some women who have tried it and lived to tell the tale.
Nadiah Nasir is not a girl who’s prone to heartbreak or indecision, and this week is no exception.
The 24-year-old PR executive has gone out on two fabulous dates with two different men by mid-week, and is looking forward to another rendezvous to cap off her weekend.
“Don’t ask me to pick a favourite,” she’s quick to add. “Having a favourite ruins the fun. I am smitten with all three, and that’s why I’ve been going out with each one consecutively for the past four months.”

Nadiah says that what she’s doing does not constitute cheating. Cheaters, she believes, are the scum of the universe
“I only get into these ‘relationships’ after making it clear to them that it’s not exclusive. I’m sure they were surprised in the beginning, especially since it was the girl who brought it up, but they seemed to hide it well.”

Her game plan is easy: Go out with target (coffee dates are best; movies the worst). Know him better in three dates. Anything beyond that means they’ve gone past cliché-filled conversations and are now officially and romantically involved.
Then come the rules, which are unceremoniously listed out over dinner. This is an “open” relationship, and everyone is free to see whomever they please. That way, nobody will get hurt.
“The only downside I can think of is the busy schedule,” says Nadiah.
“I tend to double-book my dates, and it’s quite rude to cancel on someone at the last hour. Oh, and you have to constantly remember details about your past conversations in order not to repeat them.”

Nadiah certainly isn’t the first, nor will she be the last, girl to juggle her love interests.
Socialite Sadie Frost and actress Sarah Jessica Parker have done it. So has Eva Longoria, before she settled for NBA player Tony Parker. But it was ultimately Samantha Jones in Sex And The City that made the fairer sex sit up and pay attention.
“I was thrilled because a woman has not been portrayed in such an honest, refreshing way before, or at least not in Malaysia. She represented the thousands of us out there who are happy without the seriously tragic, Romeo-and-Juliet sort of relationship,” says multi-dater Sheila Gunasegaran, 26, designer.

“Most of my male buddies have been doing it for ages now, and now the girls are getting into it too. Only problem is that there’s been a reversal of roles lately. It’s the men who are getting sensitive about it.”

Wanted: The real deal
Welcome to the 21st century, a time when speed dating has become so yesterday, and more and more Malaysians are offering themselves up for long-term public appraisal.
It’s the jaded (or pragmatic, depending on how you see it) man’s game, whereby traditional dating rules are bent to see whom or what it could lead to. According to Nadiah, it’s also a little experiment that everyone is bound to do at least once in their lives.

“I used to be a bit of an anomaly among my friends,” she says. “Then, all of a sudden, I have girls coming to me for advice because they’ve just got out of committed eight-year relationships after their boyfriends cheated on them. Dating just one man is dangerous that way. It puts women at a tremendous disadvantage because they’re faced with an all-or-nothing dilemma.”
In short, the rise in multi-dating marks the death of the knight-in-shining-armour dream, and the realisation of another. Just ask the co-founder of dating specialist Lunch Actually, Violet Lim, 29, who is cashing in on this phenomenon.

“A multi-dater could be anyone now — CEOs, executives, young, old, men or women. It’s not like five years ago when the guys had the upper hand,” she says.
But no one knows more about this subject than the The Dating Goddess, the online persona of a 53-year-old best-selling business author, who wishes to remain anonymous.
She’s dated over 95 men since divorcing her husband of nearly 20 years in 2003, and has likened the experience to shoe-shopping in her blog (www.datinggoddess.com). It chronicles her (mis)adventures in mid-life dating.

“You need special-purpose shoes for hiking, running, dancing, golf, business and formal wear. If you’re multi-dating, you have different men for different events — one likes the opera, while another loves country dancing; one cries with you at chick flicks, and another accompanies you to a sporting event,” she writes.

Multi-dating, she claims, isn’t really difficult even if you’re past 40.
“I’m not one of those well-preserved, gorgeous, marathon-running, middle-aged women. I have been told I am attractive, but I am overweight and not a gym rat. So while I am active, I do not match the description 90% of men’s profiles say they want: slender
, athletic, toned.

“I have some wrinkles — what one sweet suitor mistakenly called dimples — yet I’ve met and dated some wonderful men. So, even if you’re not a lingerie model, you can find guys who will think you’re attractive, perhaps even hot!”

Although baby boomers and Generation X-ers in Malaysia have been slower on the uptake, this new dating concept has caught on like wildfire among the 20-something group.
“I was always told that nice girls study hard, get good jobs, meet nice boys, settle down and have lots of children. For a long time, I tried to do this. Somehow, I was always discontented, not to mention bored out of my wits,” says Chan Ee-Ling, 27, a lawyer, who has been multi-dating for several years.

“The best part about all this is that I get to disappear off the face of the earth when I feel like it. I don’t need to justify my actions or fulfil any obligations, so it doesn’t get tiring.”

Rejected: Dating duds
Many female multi-daters are well aware of negative connotations on their reputations, but many are also fighting back.
“Guys tend to be more judgmental, and some of them can be pretty harsh with the name-calling,” says Nadiah.

“On the other hand, my girlfriends are very supportive and encouraging. I really don’t get this prejudice. A man can do it and not get labelled, so why can’t a woman?
“It’s 2009 now, and these guys need to snap out of it and realise that it’s not a man’s world anymore.”

Chan, too, defends her right to do the same, but claims she has her standards.
“I am actually very picky. While I will give most people a chance — I generally don’t get involved unless they can agree to my ground rules — I believe in honesty, respect and most importantly, they have to care about me on some level. I like to think of most of the men as friends. Getting involved doesn’t absolve you of friendship responsibilities,” she says.

However, she doesn’t deny that going all the way complicates things: “You can’t really sleep with someone and not expect some feelings to develop. But these things pass.
“For instance, I called this guy I was seeing — he was in bed — and I heard a girl’s voice. Evidently, he had company. While I have no right to be upset about it, I’m still egotistical and didn’t like the idea that I wasn’t enough for him.”

Then again, there are also girls like Sheila who prefer to keep sex out of the equation. That, however, does not keep her from being criticised.
“My mum and dad are fine with it; it’s the relatives that I’m wary of,” she says.
“During our get-togethers, they’d pass snide remarks implying how my parents won’t be able to marry me off in the future. It doesn’t really bother me, though.”

Apart from possessing this intriguing combination of rebelliousness, tenacity and bravado, women who multi-date also share another (more unfortunate) thing in common: horror stories about ex-dates.
“He was sweet, smart and complimentary on the daily calls and in the flirty e-mails,” says The

Dating Goddess.
“When we met, however, he spent 80% of the time talking about himself, and when I tried to interject, he said, ‘I’m going to cut you off’ and continued to talk about himself.
“At the restaurant, he brought his own (cheap) wine. He ate his lamb chops with his hands. Every fifth word was ‘cool’. He french-kissed me within moments of our meeting. No, we will not be having a future together.”

So, with all the costs weighing in on them from different sides, could there really be a happy, fairytale ending?
“I’ve just broken it off with the three men I was seeing,” reveals Chan.
“One started criticising the way I lived my life so I just stopped returning his calls, while the other one moved to Italy. The last one I dumped last Saturday because it was he who bruised my ego by hopping into bed with another woman.

“Anyway, I’m not looking for marriage because, contrary to popular belief, it isn’t the key to happiness. I’ll just have to accept the consequences of my actions even if it means I die unloved and alone. But having met some really nasty men along the way, I know that when I meet The One, I will appreciate him all the more.”

The Dating Goddess has not found her soul-mate either, but believes that she’s getting closer with each new man she meets.
“It helps me better define what I’m looking for,” she says. “I had a date with a man Sunday that seems promising, but it was only a first date. We’ll see. If not, there are plenty more lined up.”

Cool eh? Why not give it a try in our March Speed Dating session then!